Field guide
Listening to a child who tells you something hard
How to receive a disclosure calmly, avoid putting words in a child’s mouth, record what was said, and hand off to trained professionals.
Your job in this moment
Be safe, calm and believing. Get enough to protect the child, then stop.
Opening
“Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you did. You’re not in trouble.”
“I believe you, and I’m going to help.”
How to listen
- Get on their level, in a private, quiet place, with unhurried time.
- Use open prompts: “Tell me more.” “What happened next?”
- Let silence happen. Let them set the pace.
- Use the child’s own words back to them.
- Write down their exact words, plus the date, time and place, as soon as you can.
- Don’t ask leading questions (“Did he touch you?”). Ask “What happened?”
- Don’t promise to keep it secret. Say who you may need to tell, and why.
- Don’t ask them to repeat the story many times, or to prove it.
- Don’t investigate, confront the person, or contact them.
- Don’t show shock, anger or disgust at the child.
When they hesitate
“Take your time. There’s no rush.”
“You can tell me just a little. That’s okay.”
Stop and hand off
- Ensure the child is safe. If danger is immediate, call 911.
- Report to the right people: law enforcement, child welfare, or the NCMEC CyberTipline for online exploitation.
- Ask for a trained forensic interview. Children’s Advocacy Centers can help: nationalchildrensalliance.org.
- Educators: follow your school and state mandated-reporting duties and tell the designated person right away.
Closing
“You were brave to tell me. This is not your fault. I’ll stay with you while we get help.”
Awareness Is Prevention is a prevention and education nonprofit, not a crisis line, law firm or law enforcement agency. This is general guidance, not legal or medical advice. In an emergency call 911.
Related
Safety is built before the crisis
Pick your part and see it through. Prevention works when people follow through.