Playbook
Suspected online grooming: the response playbook
What to do when an adult or older stranger is building a private, secretive relationship with your child online.
1 Phase 1 of 6 · Prepare
Prepare
Build the trust that lets a child tell you early.
- Tell your child: “If anyone asks you to keep a secret from me, tell me. That’s never a good secret.”
- Know the apps and games your child uses and who they talk to, with their knowledge.
- Agree that private contacts from strangers are always okay to report, never a reason for trouble.
2 Phase 2 of 6 · Spot it
Spot it
Look for a cluster, not a single sign.
| Indicator | Why it matters |
|---|---|
| Gifts, game currency, or credit from a ‘friend’ you have not met | Gifts build obligation |
| Secretive chats, deleted history, new accounts | Isolation from you |
| Adult ‘friend’ who flatters, understands them ‘like no one else’ | Trust building |
| Pressure to move to a private or disappearing-message app | Reduces oversight |
| Sexual jokes, boundary testing, requests for photos | Escalation. Act now |
| Child upset, anxious, or protective of the contact | Emotional hook |
Don’t decide it is grooming from one sign. Don’t dismiss it either. If two or three indicators appear together, act on the next phase.
3 Phase 3 of 6 · Contain
Contain
Interrupt the relationship without driving it underground.
- Talk with your child calmly and privately, not in front of siblings.
- Use open questions: “Tell me about your new friend.” Do not accuse the child.
- Preserve the chats before anything changes (screenshot text, usernames, links).
- Then block the contact and report them in the app. Do not tip them off beforehand.
Opening the conversation
“I’m not upset. I noticed you’ve been talking with someone and I want to understand. Tell me about them.”
- Don’t confront the adult.
- Don’t delete the conversation.
- Don’t ban the app in anger. Children hide it instead of telling you.
4 Phase 4 of 6 · Clean up
Clean up
Report and remove access.
- Report to NCMEC CyberTipline: report.cybertip.org or 1-800-843-5678.
- Call local police if the adult asked to meet, sent sexual material, or is known to your child.
- Report the account on the platform, then block.
- Change passwords and privacy settings. Check for shared location.
5 Phase 5 of 6 · Recover
Recover
Children often feel loyal to the person who groomed them.
- Do not mock the relationship. Say they were deliberately targeted by someone skilled at it.
- Offer counseling. Tell them they can keep talking about it as long as they need.
6 Phase 6 of 6 · Learn
Learn
Make telling easier next time.
- Ask what would have helped them tell you earlier.
- Update your family plan.
- Run an after-action review in two weeks.
Awareness Is Prevention is a prevention and education nonprofit, not a crisis line, law firm or law enforcement agency. This is general guidance, not legal or medical advice. In an emergency call 911.
Related
Safety is built before the crisis
Pick your part and see it through. Prevention works when people follow through.