Playbook
Sextortion: the family response playbook
A six-phase plan for when someone is blackmailing your child with intimate images, from the first hour to long-term recovery.
1 Phase 1 of 6 · Prepare
Prepare
Do this on a calm day. It takes 15 minutes and changes how the worst day goes.
- Tell your child, in advance: “If anyone ever threatens you online, you will never be in trouble with me for telling me.”
- Agree on a code word your child can text you that means “I need help, don’t ask why yet.”
- Put the hotline numbers where you can find them: NCMEC CyberTipline 1-800-843-5678, 988, Childhelp 1-800-422-4453.
- Turn on two-step verification on your child’s accounts, and know who holds the recovery email.
- Read the Take It Down page once so you know what it does before you need it: takeitdown.ncmec.org.
A line that opens the door
“If someone ever tricks or scares you online, even if you made a mistake, come to me first. I will be on your side.”
2 Phase 2 of 6 · Spot it
Spot it
Confirm what is happening before you act. Panic causes mistakes.
Sextortion usually follows a pattern. A new ‘friend’ (often posing as a teen) moves the chat to a private app, sends an image, asks for one back, then threatens to share it with family and friends unless the child pays or sends more. Many cases begin and end within hours.
| What you may see | What it may mean |
|---|---|
| Sudden panic, hiding the phone, deleting apps | Your child may have received a threat |
| Asking for gift cards, cash apps, or crypto | Payment demand |
| New contact who ‘moved fast’ to a private app | Common first step in a targeted approach |
| Messages like “I’ll send this to everyone you know” | The threat itself |
| Sleep, appetite, or mood changes; talk of ‘ruining everything’ | Serious distress. Check on safety first |
The most important fact
A child who sent an image is a victim of a crime. They are not the problem to be solved. Everything you say in the first five minutes will decide whether they tell you more or shut down.
3 Phase 3 of 6 · Contain
Contain
Stop the bleeding. Protect the child, then stop the criminal’s access, in this order.
- Sit with your child. Say: “You’re not in trouble. I’m going to help you. We’ll handle this together.”
- Ask only what you need: who, which app, what they were told to do, whether money was sent. Do not ask ‘why did you send it?’
- Tell your child to stop replying. Do not negotiate and do not pay. Payment almost never ends it and usually brings more demands.
- Before blocking: save the evidence (see the next phase). Then block and report the account in the app.
- Do not delete your child’s account yet. Deleted accounts can erase the trail police need.
- Don’t confront or message the blackmailer. It tips them off and can escalate.
- Don’t take your child’s phone as punishment. Taking away devices teaches kids to hide the next one.
- Don’t open, copy or forward any intimate image of a minor, even to ‘show police’. Possessing or sharing it can itself be a crime.
4 Phase 4 of 6 · Clean up
Clean up
Preserve what proves the crime, then report and remove.
- Capture the username, profile link, phone number, and any payment handles or wallet addresses.
- Screenshot the text of threats and demands (not the intimate images). Note date and time.
- Start a simple log: what happened, when, who you told. See the evidence guide.
- Report to the NCMEC CyberTipline: report.cybertip.org or 1-800-843-5678.
- Use Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) so participating platforms can remove and block the image. It works from a hash, so the image does not have to be uploaded.
- Report the account inside the app, then block it.
- Contact local police, especially if there are threats of violence or an adult identity is known. Bring your log.
- Secure accounts: new passwords, two-step verification, review who can message and tag your child.
5 Phase 5 of 6 · Recover
Recover
The threat is not the only injury. Shame and fear last longer than the incident.
- Check in daily for a while: sleep, mood, school, friends. Notice withdrawal.
- Offer counseling with a therapist or school counselor. Say it is normal, not a punishment.
- Tell the child plainly: the image may still exist in places, but the control the criminal had is over.
- If your child talks about self-harm, call or text 988 at once.
If they start to spiral
“This is the criminal’s plan, not your fault. You did the right thing by telling me. We are not going to let this define you.”
6 Phase 6 of 6 · Learn
Learn
Within two weeks, review calmly. The goal is a better plan, not blame.
- Ask the child: what would have made it easier to tell me sooner?
- Update the family plan: code word, who to call, device rules written together.
- Run the after-action review so the lessons are written down.
Awareness Is Prevention is a prevention and education nonprofit, not a crisis line, law firm or law enforcement agency. This is general guidance, not legal or medical advice. In an emergency call 911.
Related
Safety is built before the crisis
Pick your part and see it through. Prevention works when people follow through.